


Angels Just Want To Go Home

by Laughinglazy



Series: Angsty Avengers Stories [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 17:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11949003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laughinglazy/pseuds/Laughinglazy
Summary: "Suicidal people are just angels who want to go home"Tony doesn’t want to die, exactly. He just... doesn't want to not die, either.





	Angels Just Want To Go Home

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> Fic has heavy suicidal themes, so please don't read if this will be something that upsets you.

Here’s the thing.

Tony doesn’t want to die, exactly. He doesn’t sit contemplating methods to end his life, he hasn’t ever planned out the perfect suicide (apart from that one time with the palladium, but that had been different, he was already dying, already dead). He hasn’t ever looked at a piece of rope and just thought of what it would be like to swing (he hasn’t, he hasn’t, he hasn’t).

But on the other hand.

He doesn’t want to not die either. It’s like this. He would never go up to the roof of his tower (not his anymore, theirs’, their tower) and jump into the waiting crowd of people below. And he doesn’t want to either (he doesn’t, he can’t). But if, say, he fell into the path of a moving car, he might just not get up again. Or if he got sick, really sick (like before, idiot, should’ve taken the chance whilst you had it) he might just stop taking his medication. Or if he went through a wormhole into space he might shut off the repulsors and let himself drift (he wasn’t meant to come back, didn’t want to, it should have ended then).

Sometimes, Tony wonders if he should get help for these thoughts. He’s a genius, he knows it’s not healthy to idolise death the way he does. But the others don’t understand what it’s like (always alone). They don’t understand how, some days, the thought of falling asleep and never waking seems like the best kind of dream, how every time they go into battle, there’s always a small part of him that hopes that maybe this will be the time that something goes wrong, that this time he won’t make it back.

“Tony?”

The door that opens out on to the sprawling balcony of Avengers’ tower (Not Stark tower, not anymore) slides smoothly open and a woman clad in black leggings and a faded grey shirt walks out to stand next to him as he leans on the safety railings. Pepper made him add them after she saw him standing with his toes on the edge, swaying in the breeze (“Jesus, Tony you’ll get yourself killed”).

Tony doesn’t turn away from his contemplation of the sun falling (down and down and down) behind the New York skyline, gives no indication that he’s even aware of her presence. She looks over at him, a frown furrowing her brow as she scrutinises his blank face. “Tony?” She questions again “What are you doing out here by yourself? JARVIS said you came out here an hour ago.”

Tony blinked slowly before shifting his gaze from the horizon. “Oh, hey Nat. It’s been that long?” he asked, absently. “I hadn’t noticed. Just… got caught up thinking, I guess. Does that mean take-out has arrived?”

Natasha continued to stare at him for a moment, something like worry (Not for you, idiot, never for you) flashing across her features before being replaced by a small quirk of the lips. “Yes, it’s arrived. We’re just waiting for you to leave that brain of yours and join us”. She punctuated the statement with a gentle knock to the side of his head. Tony gave a small huff, before forcing a smile on to his face (Stark men don’t show weakness, Tony).

“Lead the way, my lady” Tony said with a wave of his hand. Natasha laughed and walked towards the glass door separating them from the penthouse. Tony cast one last glance out over the ledge before following her inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, hope people like this fic :) Let me know if you spot any mistakes or think of something that I could change. Again, this might become a longer fic at a later date, just not any time soon :)


End file.
